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Posted by Davy Doubloon on Aug. 1, 2016, 3:30 a.m.


Ahoy there!

I be Davy Doubloon, yer friendly neighborhood salesman! It be the beginnin’ of the month, and ye know what that means! We peddlers be rotatin’ out our stock and we’ve got quite the outfit in store for ye this August! We call it the “French Assassin.” I assure ye that me and my associates have acquired this particular set through completely legal means.

Wait, hold on a second. Ye seem like a piratey lot. No Navy in sight, eh? Well then, I’ll tell ye the real story... it be quite a doozy.

Ye see, bein’ a peddler be risky business. Me and my mates gotta swipe, connive, and steal our way to our product. Sometimes that means stealin’ cargo off of ships, and others it means we force a wealthy baroness to give us her entire wardrobe. Well, me hearties, compared to this story, those escapades seem like child’s play.

Twas cloudy night here on Tortuga, and I noticed a particularly fancy ship docked not too far from where I sell me goods. At first, I thought it was some rich Englishman who took a wrong turn on his way to Port Royal. I couldn’t have been more wrong, mates.

I snuck onto the ship, and found a chest full of these fancy fineries. They were so detailed... and expensive lookin’. I knew I be in for a big payday. I got a little full of meself after findin’ me fortune, though.

On me way off the ship, I dropped the entire chest. It made a huge thud. Out of nowhere, I heard someone shout “maintenant!”. Then, five blokes in the very garb I be swipin’ appeared out of the shadows and began slicin’ at me with their daggers. I dodged ‘em real fast, but one’ve ‘em cut a hole in me fine crimson hat!

I found me footin’ and darted back onto shore with that chest on me shoulders. I dove right into the King’s Arm and hid behind the bar. When the five blokes came in, Ol’ Johnny McVane was gracious enough to tell them I went elsewhere. Naturally, I gave ‘em an early taste of this here outfit for free. If ye see him around the docks with this here garb, ye know where he got it.

And naturally, mateys, after an incident as... precarious as this, me prices will be set at a premium. Hope ye can afford it. Tis really a fine set of garb... -- Also, be sure to pick up me other set, "Snapdragon", by August 31st. Only a few more be left in stock, me hearties! Be quick!

Until next time, mateys!

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